Douche Bags Revisited

Candy Loving. In January of 1979, she was 23 years old. She had goals, specifically, “to take the days one at a time and make the right decisions along the way.” She had “Turn-ons” (Walt Disney, listening to good music, ice cream, and a big, warm bed on a cold, rainy night) and “Turn-offs” (people who brag, violence, fat, people who always act obnoxious when they drink). She also has favourite books, favourite movies, favourite sports, and musicans. Her greatest joy was “her family.”

How do I know all this? Here’s a clue: I also know her measurements (37/24/34) and that she has a freckle approx. 7cm above and to the right of her navel.

Candy Loving was a Playboy Playmate and the very first centerfold I ever saw. I actually remember the issue, not the centerfold. I still own a copy of Playboy’s 25th Anniversary Issue (not the one I first saw, mind you); bought it a few years ago at a second hand book store.

Why bother to quote the information from the back of her centerfold? Because it was there. The very first “bare naked lady” I ever saw had a name, goals, interests, and a personality. And so has every one since.

I didn’t have the Internet growing up. I was lucky enough that the first time I viewed a woman as the object of sexual desire she wasn’t being gangfucked by five “studs,” pulling her hair, and slapping her around.

My girl had a name.

When you look at the girl next door, you should be thinking about fun things to do on a date, not how many “studs” it would take to break her in.

And put your damned hat on straight!



One thought on “Douche Bags Revisited

  1. A-fucking-men!!

    (I realise that as an agnostic, this comment might seem a bit out of sorts, but it’s the only thing I could think of to sum up what I just felt. Well, it was either that or, “And boom goes the dynamite.” The first choice was much more succinct.)

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